This Day
by HebrewPrincess91
Summary: Days in the Wilderness series. Kanan hasn't trusted anyone since That Day, but if he and Hera are going to fight the Empire he has to overcome his fears. When Kanan ruins one of Hera's plan and almost brings them both to disaster he has to make a choice to trust again. Kanan/Hera. Set before Star Wars: Rebels. One-shot. Canon compliant.


_A Jedi trusts the Force._

Hera would draw the stormtroopers away, Kanan would swoop in and steal the supplies, they would rendezvous at _Ghost_. That was the plan.

Kanan crouched behind one of the beehive shaped monoliths that dotted the landscape of Lothal. Nearby, a squad of stormtroopers was playing guard duty to several pallets filled with supplies. If things proceeded as normal, a transport would come along and pick up the supplies and take them into the city. These particular pallets had come from nearby towns and were collected together to travel to the city more efficiently. At least, that was the theory.

Hera would be entering stage left any second now. Kanan had counted eight stormtroopers guarding the pallets and two more on speederbikes monitoring the perimeter. He felt uneasy about the entire situation. Hera was somehow supposed to take on ten armed people, by herself, and draw them away while he stole the pallets. Hera's odds didn't look good. He resettled himself in his hiding spot, he was tense and his muscles were beginning to ache as he anticipated the impending action. He tried to quell his nerves, but with every passing second he kept coming up with more and wilder scenarios where Hera ended up overwhelmed, hurt, or killed. He had a good imagination.

The stormtroopers seemed to be taking it easy. A couple of the troopers seemed to be talking to each other, one was leaning against one of the pallets and another had removed his helmet and seemed to be fiddling with some of the internal workings. Kanan thought that the helmetless soldier had rather a lot more hair than he expected a soldier to have. It seemed that maybe standards out here were a little more lax than they were towards the Core. The trooper had a small tool in his hand, and had begun prying at something inside when Hera arrived.

She struck like a thunderbolt. She was driving a speeder that Kanan didn't know where she had gotten and she plowed right through the middle of the stormtroopers at top speed. The stormtroopers scattered like skittles. Some scrambled behind the pallets they were guarding, others just flung themselves to the ground. Only one actually seemed to have the presence of mind to lift his blaster and fire at Hera as she drove by, but he didn't stand a chance of actually hitting her. She veered her speeder around and approached the scene again, this time going a little slower. She was trying to attract them to chase her.

The two perimeter guards had turned their bikes and were bearing down on her. Red lasers cut through the air between the stormtroopers and Hera as they fired. The other stormtroopers began to fire on her as well, lasers filled the air as everyone with a blaster leveled it on Hera. Hera was doing her best to avoid the blaster-bolts as well as out maneuver the speeder bikes. Kanan saw Hera avoid three potentially fatal shots in a series of minutes. Each call was getting closer.

Sweat beaded on Kanan's forehead, but he felt cold. Hera needed help. He could see that she needed help. He couldn't just sit here and watch her be cut down by the white armored and faceless slaves of the Empire. He didn't care what the plan was, Hera needed him.

Springing from behind his rock-mound, he fired a series of blasts at the troopers as he sprinted towards the melee. Some of his shots hit home, others went wide. It took the stormtroopers an astonishingly long time to even realize that they were under attack from a new direction. Kanan had either killed or seriously injured at least three, and had wounded one more before they began to retaliate. Some of the troopers were still behind the pallets and rocks. He was taking fire from at least a couple of them, though they were terrible shots, which might account for why they were guarding pallets on Lothal instead of fighting the Rebellion out in the galaxy. Kanan avoided them without too much trouble, he was trying to get closer to Hera, and the action going on between the speeder bikes and the speeder. Hera and one of the bike-troopers almost seemed to be playing an elaborate game of tag.

The other speeder bike trooper slewed around and targeted his guns directly on Kanan. Kanan only had his blaster and little else to protect him. Part of his brain told him to duck, or jump, or get out of the way. He had only fractions of a second to respond, he felt cold. He didn't have time to think, only react. Kanan threw his hands up in front of him, not really conscious of what he was trying to accomplish. Years of finely honed instinct had taken over, the Force had taken over.

Trooper and speeder bike came crashing to the ground as if smote by an invisible hand. The front end of the bike crumpled on impact, and the trooper was dislodged from his seat. Neither were going anywhere anytime soon.

Kanan felt a chill settle into his spine. The whole thing had taken just a few seconds, and now the fracas seemed eerily still. He realized that the remaining stormtroopers, the ones who were hiding behind cover, weren't firing at him. The one without his helmet was just staring at Kanan, openmouthed. The shock lasted maybe two or three heartbeats, then every enemy blaster was trained on him. Kanan was keenly aware that he had dropped his own blaster when he had used the Force against the speeder bike. He was also aware that he was out in the open, with no cover, and nothing to protect him.

Hera was suddenly between him and the soldiers. "Get in!" she commanded. Kanan didn't hesitate. He jumped into the front seat of the speeder and Hera hit the accelerator. The speeder fled the scene leaving only wreckage and exhaust in its wake.

Hera had somehow managed to lose the speeder bike that had been on her tail, but even still, she took a careful and circuitous route back to _Ghost_. It took a long time and there was plenty of time to talk.

"Talk to me," she said. She was focused on the horizon and her face was stern.

Kanan didn't know where to start, or what she wanted. "What do you mean," he said lamely.

"Let's start with: why didn't you follow the plan?" Hera glanced away from the scenery to look at Kanan.

Kanan suddenly felt tongue-tied and embarrassed. He had been trying to help Hera, she had needed help. "You were in trouble." Kanan didn't know what else to say.

"We had a plan." Hera's voice was even and she kept her eyes straight ahead.

"I… I…" Kanan slouched a little in his seat and stared out the windscreen. After a moment's silence he tried again. "The plan wasn't working, you needed help, there were too many of them."

"I had it under control." Kanan saw Hera glance at him again. She looked a little put out.

"No you didn't, those biketroopers were moments away from catching up with you." Kanan was sure of that. Hera had only just managed to keep ahead of them.

"No they weren't." Hera's voice was still calm, but Kanan could tell she was aggravated. "I had them right where I wanted them. I was letting them get close so they would want to chase me. _Like in the plan_."

Kanan felt a new wave of embarrassment. "Hera, I-"

"Kanan, I can out-fly those Imperial slugs in my sleep, even in this thing," she patted the dashboard of the speeder, "Don't you trust my flying skills?" Her voice wasn't exactly challenging, but Kanan knew there was only one right answer to this.

"Yeah, I think you're the best pilot I've ever met." And it was true. Even among the Jedi, Hera would have ranked near the top on her piloting skill.

"Don't you trust my plan?" Hera's plans were always well thought out, deliberate, and free of any unnecessary risk. They also almost always worked. Kanan had nothing but respect for her planning capacity.

"Of course I do." Kanan hoped he sounded sincere, but he feared that his tone was just appeasing, that of someone just trying to get out of an argument.

"Then what is it? Don't you trust me?" Hera's voice had an edge to it, Kanan could hear her frustration.

Kanan slouched in his seat even more. He had almost said "Yes" right away on reflex, but something held him back. Did he trust Hera?

"Don't you trust me?" Hera said again, this time her voice was filled with surprise and maybe even a little hurt. Or maybe Kanan was feeling her emotions instead of hearing them, he didn't know. He really couldn't separate out his senses like that.

"Hera-" Kanan didn't know what to say or how to say it. His feelings were so complicated and his thoughts were almost impossible to pin down. Did he trust her?

She slowed the speeder to only a few kilometers an hour so she could look at Kanan. Kanan could tell she was studying him with those pure green eyes, searching him for an answer, but he kept looking out the windscreen. Suddenly he felt very foolish and very alone.

"Hera," he started again, "it's… it's," he ran a hand over his head. "It's complicated." He wished he had better words than those, those words were perhaps the stupidest words to say in this situation, but, as usual, the stupidest thing was what he did.

"Explain it to me." Hera wasn't demanding, but Kanan didn't feel like this was optional either. He knew she deserved an explanation. He should try to give her that much.

Kanan still didn't look at Hera, instead he focused on the stony monoliths that crawled by as they slowly maneuvered through the Lothal countryside.

Did he trust her? Honestly, the answer was no.

Kanan grasped for the right words. "I haven't trusted anyone for a long time."

Kanan didn't know if Hera was looking at him or not, he kept his eyes down, he wasn't sure he could look her in the eye right now.

"I thought we were past that," she said softly. Kanan could feel the hurt in her voice.

Kanan thought back to That Day, the last day he had really trusted anyone. He thought back to his master, the Jedi… and the clones. He thought back to the foolish kid he'd been and how his trust in everything had been betrayed that day.

"I'm not sure I can get past it," he said quietly. Hearing himself say something like that out loud was actually a little shocking. A Jedi wasn't supposed to hold onto the past, they were supposed to transcend it. He wasn't a Jedi anymore, but it felt like another part of his life as Caleb Dume had been chipped away and lost for good.

"Kanan," Hera's voice was tentative, Kanan braced himself, "what is 'it'?"

She didn't need to elaborate, Kanan knew what she was asking. He looked out the passenger side as he ran a hand over his hair again. The speeder was all but stopped now, it crawled slowly along under the blue sky. Kanan took in a deep breath, he had so many emotions flooding through him. Hera had asked him the thing she had never asked him before. He wasn't sure he was ready to tell her. Or if he would _ever_ be ready to tell her. Or anyone.

"Kanan?" Kanan felt Hera's hand on his arm, her touch was gentle and firm. It was almost comforting. He took in a deep breath.

Still looking out the passenger side he said, "Hera, you know what happened to the Jedi the day the Republic fell."

Everyone knew that story. According to the Empire the Jedi had staged a coup on the Supreme Chancellor forcing him to act against them to preserve the Republic. Then somehow that also meant dismantling the Republic and replacing it with an Empire with himself the Emperor. The level of deception Palpatine had employed was truly astounding, and truly the work of the Dark Side.

"I think so, yes. But I don't know what happened to you that day." Hera's hand gripped his arm, and Kanan was sure she was looking at him with those piercing eyes of hers.

Kanan had never told Hera he had been a Jedi, but he'd never really needed too. Hera had never asked about it before either. After a little while together it had become more than obvious and up til now Hera had never pried into what had happened.

"The same thing happened to me that happened to everyone else, except I didn't die." Hera was rubbing his arm encouragingly. "I guess I've never really trusted anyone since then, it's too risky."

"You trust me enough to tell me this, to let me fly you anywhere in the galaxy, to sit here so close to you." Kanan felt his face warm in a not entirely unpleasant way. "So why," she continued, "do you draw the trust line at a plan to steal pallets on Lothal?"

He finally turned his head back towards her. He still didn't really look at her, his eyes were focused on his hands which were resting in his lap. "I was afraid."

The last word slipped out before Kanan really meant it too. It was something he didn't want to admit, another hold over from the Jedi. Fear was an attachment that led to the Dark Side. But he had been afraid, and admitting it out loud chipped away another part of Caleb Dume, leaving the facade of Kanan Jarrus that much more hollow.

"Of me being shot?" said Hera, "Because those troopers couldn't hit the broadside of a star destroyer."

Kanan couldn't help but smile just a little at that description, those troopers really hadn't been the pick of the academy.

"I was afraid," Kanan swallowed as he said those words again, they weren't any less bitter the second time, "that something would happen to you and I wouldn't be able to prevent it from happening. That I would just sit behind that rock like a coward when you needed me. I couldn't let that happen again."

Kanan took in a somewhat shaky breath and tried to calm himself. He felt a flurry of emotions trying to get out. Fear of not being good enough to save those he cared about, shame over what had happened That Day, embarrassment that Hera could see how weak he was. She had invited him to work with her because she thought he was someone else, someone capable; all he was capable of was messing up and running away.

Hera moved her hand from Kanan's arm and put it back on the controls as she navigated a more tricky stretch of Lothal's countryside. There was silence between them for a moment and Kanan tried to collect his thoughts.

Hera guided the speeder around an outcropping of tall rocks and parked it. Letting it idle she turned in her seat to face Kanan. He still wasn't looking at her, his head hung in shame while he fiddled with the edge of his tunic absentmindedly. Hera put her hand to Kanan's face and gently turned it so she could look him in the eye.

"I don't think your a coward, Kanan. I don't think you even know how to be a coward." Hera's piercing eyes weren't filled with anger or disgust, but something else. "I also think that maybe you don't trust me because you don't trust yourself."

Kanan was immediately taken back to his padawan days at Hera's words. How many times had his master told him that he had to trust himself to hear and understand the Force? Hadn't trusting the guidance of the Force almost been a Jedi motto? A Jedi had to depend on the Force, and trust that they were understanding it correctly. A Jedi had to trust their own instincts.

And, Hera was right. He didn't even like admitting it to himself. He always passed himself off as the cocky and confident guy who was perhaps too trusting in himself. But Hera knew better. He couldn't really trust Hera if he couldn't even trust himself. But he had shown himself unworthy of trust, he had acted like a coward and he could never trust himself again, could he?

Hera still hadn't let go of him. Her eyes were still searching his face for answers. "Kanan, you and I have something special together. If you give me a chance, give yourself a chance, we can do amazing things. We have to be able to trust each other, to depend on each other, to know that somebody has our back in a tricky situation. I have to be able to rely on you, or else you and I can't do this."

Kanan wanted to say something brilliant, something that would assure Hera that she would never have to worry about him, that he would always be there to help her. He also wanted to just run away again, go somewhere else and forget about Hera. His life was simpler then, he just looked out for himself and no one else and didn't worry about anything other than making it to tomorrow. As long as he kept running nothing would ever catch up with him.

When he didn't answer right away, Hera slid her hand off of his face and turned back to the speeder controls. Kicking the engine back into life she began heading for _Ghost_ again. A prolonged silence fell between them while Kanan searched for the words he really wanted to say. He wasn't looking out at the grasslands of Lothal anymore, instead he was studying Hera as she effortlessly navigated the speeder towards her ship.

She didn't look mad, or angry, or upset. Kanan wasn't sure he was reading her right though; Hera was very often a mystery to him. He tried to imagine what it would be like to stay with Hera, to keep doing this thing they were doing for however long they would do it. He tried to imagine leaving and never seeing Hera again. He tried to imagine what his master would have told him to do, he used to rely on her so much for advice and direction, he thought he could use some right now.

What would Kanan do?

What would Caleb do?

What would a Jedi do?

"Hera," Kanan started.

She gave him a sideways glance as she kept half an eye on the horizon, "Yes?"

Kanan steeled himself to say it out loud, "You and me, I think we can do this."

Hera smiled and she looked genuinely happy. Kanan couldn't help but smile too, this felt good, it felt right.

As the speeder looped through the final series of bends that proceeded the outcropping where _Ghost_ was hidden Kanan didn't take his eyes off Hera. He was done with running away, he was ready to run towards. Hera and him would take a chance and make it work. He knew they could do this.

Hera parked the speeder a couple meters away from _Ghost_ and killed the engine. She turned in her seat, still smiling and said, "Kanan, we're home."

 _Fin_


End file.
